Mom, Grandmother, Jan Carne

Have you ever thought that praying about a certain situation was futile. That people around us are ‘healed’ miraculously but it never happens to us (so we think).

I’m one of those cases that the circumstances were not beautiful leaving the end result even uglier. Yes, thoughts such as, “so what was the whole point of praying about it,” crossed my mind more times than I can recall. In my heart I know God’s will was accomplished and I claim that to this day. My burden is for everyone who has a false view on ‘crying out’ to God/prayer. Maybe you are like me in that the subject of crying out is clear all the way up to the aspect of God’s will, what is His will and how do you find God's will.

A couple of days before the year 2001 I got a call from my sister saying, through sobs, that our mother was given 6 months to live. I had just left her in seemingly perfect health the night before. The little lump on her shoulder she thought was a reaction to a sedative she had a few months prior, turned out to be cancer. OUR MOTHER, who almost always ate healthful foods, took her vitamins religiously, exercised regularly, and loved the Lord more than anything else in the world?

I immediately left my gathering of friends and began the 4 hour trip home. Did I cry out and talk with our Savior? You bet! Honestly, I didn’t really know what to say so mostly just cried and listened for something (not sure what). When I met my family at home never had I seen my father so broken or my mother so ‘strong’.

The elders prayed numerous times for her healing. People all over the U.S. were asking the LORD TO SPARE HER LIFE. We As a family were beseeching the Lord to heal her body and rid her and my father of all this pain and suffering. Never did we think that He would answer our prayers in the way He did.

We spent 8 long months encouraging each other and looking for some sign of rejuvenation in Mom’s body. My brother and I both were married that Spring and I and his wife were pregnant with our first children. September 3^rd we were all gathered at my parents home. My mother had a seize or two and was now in a coma. She probably weighed under 80lbs and was hardly recognizable.

Up on the hill behind their house is a special rock I would often visit to be alone with the Lord. I know the time was near for something to happen as she was hardly able to breathe. On that rock my heart was screaming with hope of her recovery, but my mind and mouth were literally yelling for the Lord to free her and us all from this pain. Within a half an hour she took her last breath. I watched the hand I was holding turn blue and lifeless. The pain and sadness on my Dad’s face was like nothing I’d ever seen before and it felt too big to bear. But we had to bear it. The Lord’s will was at that point made known to us all in regards to our mother’s life. She was healed and rid of all the pain, not only physically but in every aspect of her being.

I then heard many people talk about ‘crying out’ and how ‘it’ works. Never once did I hear any speaker tell any story other than those of success and God bringing someone to health and safety. So, did I not ‘cry out’ good enough for God? What good did it do anyway? Why didn’t ‘it’ work for me and my family? --

It did ‘work’ for me. The Lord sustained her life long enough to meet my husband and feel our first child kick in the womb. Only selfishly could I wish her back here in our lives. After she has met the Savior face to face do you think she would even consider her life here on earth? Death is so very ugly yet God’s will was accomplished through her life/death and it is beautiful. Yes, we miss our mother but this is a different kind of ‘success’ story. God heard and answered our cry. He went far beyond what any of us ever though or imagined even though it wasn’t the direction any of us thought or wanted Him to choose.

I didn't have the time to post yesterday because of being out of the house all day but yesterday marks 6 years. I no longer cry myself to sleep EVERY night, it's down to once a week now. But I sure do think of her most days. When I am trying to cook and need someone to help me out. When my children have a birthday or come to know the Lord as their Savior, or loose their first teeth or my children ask me what it was like for me when I was little and I can't remember the details correctly, or maybe when I want to go shopping or just go out to coffee/tea (she didn't drink coffee), Or maybe each time I have given birth... Those times is when I miss her the most, when I am living my everyday life.

Enough for now...